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Your ad is live for 24 hours a day for men to approach you, and if you log on for 20-30 minutes each day to reply and reach out to one new guy, your social life will instantly pop.Your mother always told you so and you never really believed it too much, but the fact is that first impressions really count.That is EXACTLY the metaphor I use for private clients in describing the “tone” you want to capture in your initial contact.You’d never hit on a guy at a bar by walking up to him and telling him that he’s cute, he seems nice, and that you’d like to buy him a drink. Sometimes a simple “Hi” or “Hello” just doesn’t feel like it goes far enough.This guy can’t even muster up the “H” in “hey” by his third attempt: This man literally took out a section of his original message on each follow-up: As we saw above, some men like to follow-up after their first message. It literally took me 2 seconds to type that shit just now. This guy wanted to make sure I knew exactly what he was saying… Some men like to ask for assistance on refining their profiles or messages. Why don’t we start with that shitty introduction and go from there. Some men take it personally when you don’t respond back and assume you’re stuck up.Extensive research into online dating statistics show that there are some set rules that we all need to follow.

In this case, this gentleman not only followed up with a second message, but he followed up to ENSURE I did in fact receive his first message… I definitely got that incredibly important and well thought-out first message, guy. And what the f^&% is up with the lack of punctuation, guy??? I would prefer to get off the site at some point during the day and run an errand, eat, work, or do ANYTHING ELSE. Oh, and based on his pics, he’s definitely not 70 years old, as opposed to what his profile suggests.

Here is my question: Are men ok with women sending introductory emails to them? In some ways, I see a email hello similar to a come-hither look at a bar, etc.

but in other ways it seems very aggressive and therefore a turnoff to most men. Dear Jane, Your question brings up two of the most common mistakes that women make in online dating: 1) Waiting for Men to Write to You First 2) Telling Him What You Like About His Profile First things first: Men LOVE it when women write to them. If you have an attractive photo, interesting essay, and you’re in his target demographic, why WOULDN’T he be excited to hear from you?

There is nothing inherent about initiating an email conversation that screams out “desperate”. Where most women screw up that first email contact is by taking one of two approaches: 1) telling him how great he is, or 2) explaining why you’re great and why he should write back to you. Is there something particularly energizing in the phrase, “I think we have a lot in common”?

Is it really all that intriguing when he explains why he’s a good partner for you, even though you haven’t met?




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• Tip #1: If you're not familiar with technology or unsure what to write on your profile, ask a younger friend, relative or co-worker to help you.


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