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The two pick at their dinner salads, staring down at the leafy mound before them. Finally, one of them tries to grease the wheels of conversation. The process begins by providing lots of space for the full expression of information and asking follow-up questions to further draw out the one talking.

Think of conversation as a tennis match in which the players lob the ball back and forth. They ask personal or sensitive questions that put the other person on the defensive. If feeling inhibited is a problem for some people, others go to the opposite extreme: they use a date as an opportunity to purge and vent.

But in order to do that successfully, you need a lot more than just the will to get out there. Ideally, you wouldn’t be out there unless you were looking for a long-lasting committed relationship.

You need to be sure you’re prepared for what’s coming and how you will handle it responsibly. Otherwise, you may mislead others into believing you are looking for something you’re not. There’s no point in moving on until you’re ready to move on. Do you want to start dating to fill a void left by your last relationship?

They scan the room, menu, and table setting, only occasionally making eye contact. Either way, it’s exciting to be able to get to know another human being and get a peek into his or her world.

Biggest clue of all: The salad course is punctuated by strained silence and forced small talk. Great communication starts with being genuinely interested in the individual you’re with and paying close attention to what he/she says.

Or does he relentlessly pursue short-term pleasure at the expense of long-term consequences?

"Healthy religion calls for us to forsake self-indulgent, self-centered living and to commit instead to purity, love, giving, unselfishness, discipline, and sometimes uncomfortable lifestyles," Collins said.

He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy, says Titus 3:5. When he talks about the future, is there room for God? Does he talk about seeking God's direction for his life?

For answers to some of the most challenging of these queries, we turned to Virginia Mc Inerney, a single woman who's a regular speaker at her megachurch in Ohio, and who wrote Single Not Separate (Charisma House), which tackles these and many other difficult singleness issues head-on.

Here's her frank, insightful take on five of the toughest questions singles ask: 1.

Does he have plans to serve God and the church in some way?

Is he focused on the achievement of temporal success or eternal significance?




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